it’s weird how it’s socially acceptable to put someone else’s genitals in your mouth but eating a dorito off the floor after a few seconds is gross what a fuckin double standard
it’s so weird how grapes don’t really taste like anything on the outside. like if you just put a grape in your mouth it doesn’t have a taste. but then you bite down and you’re like whoa. that’s a grape
my thoughts during school
me: i wonder when my teacher lost their virginity
me: what if a man with a gun walked in right now
me: the fuck is this
me: why are you here
me: what if i stood up on the desk and ripped off my pants
my most popular textpost has like 5 notes.. am i really that unattractive or what
i want that kind of relationship where you wake up next to each other and it’s nice and peaceful and your partner just smiles to you and kisses you on the lips before softly whispering “What’s up you meme loving fuck?”
do you ever just realise you have no friends
Explaining why I love my girl is like explaining what water tastes like
accidentally ignores all of my friends for 6 weeks
I’ve forgotten how to love,or be loved because of you.
Right when I felt like my heart was healing and fixed, it gets shattered into a million pieces again, beyond bummed out…
Can we please establish something
You shouldn’t get anything for being a nice person. Thats just being human. The “friend zone” is bullshit.
Women arent fucking vending machines. You cant put in kindness coins until sex falls out.
i specialize in wearing different variations of the same basic outfit every day
When a girl replies with “aww thanks” it means shes politely asking you to return to the friend zone that you just tried to escape from.
me at family parties
• “who even are these people” • “lets play a game called guess the wifi password” • “yes i am really this tall” • “can we leave now” • “free food holla” • “im really bad at guessing wifi passwords”
i wish tumblr showed how many people viewed your post so you could work out how many users scrolled past your post without liking it and then find out where they live